I cannot sing…

Today I discovered how deeply music and words touch personal situations.   There is no need for detail, other than someone I love has let me and others down immensely.

Every hymn this morning had me wrestling with the hurt and heartbreak I feel.   Emotions are easily held, and strength shown, when I don’t have to sing.   Start singing, and I can find no power in my voice.   Sing of forgiveness, and I know I am struggling to forgive.   Sing of moving on, and I can’t because I feel betrayed.   Sing of hope, and I feel my wound.   Sing of love, and my heart feels shattered.

All of this seems overdramatic written down, and it feels overdramatic in the way I live on a day to day basis.   But today I cannot sing…

I cannot sing because I am afraid that if I do the tears may never stop falling.

And perhaps that is because I am scared that they are selfish tears about how I feel, but I hope that they are tears of the pain of the others who are hurt and of the remorse of the one who has caused the pain.