Today I discovered how deeply music and words touch personal situations. There is no need for detail, other than someone I love has let me and others down immensely.
Every hymn this morning had me wrestling with the hurt and heartbreak I feel. Emotions are easily held, and strength shown, when I don’t have to sing. Start singing, and I can find no power in my voice. Sing of forgiveness, and I know I am struggling to forgive. Sing of moving on, and I can’t because I feel betrayed. Sing of hope, and I feel my wound. Sing of love, and my heart feels shattered.
All of this seems overdramatic written down, and it feels overdramatic in the way I live on a day to day basis. But today I cannot sing…
I cannot sing because I am afraid that if I do the tears may never stop falling.
And perhaps that is because I am scared that they are selfish tears about how I feel, but I hope that they are tears of the pain of the others who are hurt and of the remorse of the one who has caused the pain.